Signs

Unlike most campus bulletin boards, the one at Borders is a model of orderliness. The signs and ads are neatly tacked, they are organized by whether they offer services or announce performances. But of course, the quality of the notice itself depends on the author. Here, I am fascinated by these, right at my elbow: 

ROOM FOR RENT IN A PRIVATE HOME  
 
Located in the fabulous Hilldale Community, this spacious room provides you with your own private entrance. There is space for a semiprivate bedroom and a TV room with your own spacious bathroom.
[nc: so, you can move in with your own rooms, but if you bring in a bedroom, you have to share? And there’s space to haul in a spare TV room plus bathroom? Fabulous neighborhood, fabulous room rental!] 
 
Or, here’s another: 

ENERGY MANAGEMENT THROUGHT BREATH 
 
Would you like increased vitality, better concentration, and more health, harmony, and happiness in your life? Through the practice of breathing techniques, sounds, gestures, and body positions you will learn how you can find relief...
[nc: well now, that’s misleading. I thought “breath” is all you need. But there are gestures and sounds to master as well? Ah well, if all this will lead to better health, harmony and happiness, we should all sign up.] 
 
There are also announcements that, while not wrong, are still slightly off. For example: 

MEN NEEDED FOR VOICE RESEARCH
 
Let us record your speech for 15 minutes and get paid $15!
We are looking for healthy people to participate in our studies of how neurological disorders sucha s ALS, Parkinson's Disease, MS, storkes, traumatic brain injuries affect how people are able to speak and communicate.
[nc: is it that you could participate if you are healthy but have a neurological disorder? Or healthy in all ways? Or are these examples of trivial little abnormalities, not rising to the level of “unhealthy?”]
 
Of course, as I sit here mocking people's gallant efforts at posting announcements, I am probably committing significant errors at a rate of ten per blogging minute. Oh well, I'm sure I give readers plenty to laugh at.

It’s none of my business but…

If a parent beats a child repeatedly for misbehaving in a grocery store, would you say anything? Even though many would consider this to be egregiously offensive conduct, most (and I don’t know that I am different in this) would say nothing. (Offered justifications: it wouldn’t help, they may only hit harder, they may in fact hit YOU, it’s not our child, etc.) 
 
Lighter offenses, however, inspire me to frown at the offender. And lighter still gets me to speak up. 
 
I’m sitting at Borders and watching a fellow café patron read through the Sunday paper. Many have grunted already about people (for example this guy) who sit at cafés without ordering something. That’s just irritating – though in a bookstore, I suppose the idea is that these tables are also places to sit at and leaf through books (and not blog on laptops perhaps?). My tolerance thus should be greater. 
 
But watching this patron pick from the stacks clean Sunday editions of various  newspapers, take them apart, read them, put them back together, replace them, then move to the next paper and the next just hits at the gut. He gets my evil glare for his efforts. 
 
Mostly, though, one wants to be helpful. A time to interfere is when a woman gets up and walks out the door forgetting her purse. The desire to chase her down outside is overwhelming. The reward? Why, it’s the feeling of doing a good deed (a tame good deed, but good nonetheless). Or, is it that you finally get to slide into the now unoccupied spot at the table?